A Monkey's Brother
by WindSpirit79
Summary: This is a bit of crack I got the idea for after watching tv. What would happen if Dean met a witch who didn't like his attitude?


A Monkey's Brother

_Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just use them sometimes._

_A/N: I know monkeys and baboons are not the same thing, but I liked the title so I took some creative license._

Sam glared through the windshield of the Impala at the bright red rear shimmying and swaying in his face, his expression turning grim. 'Dean, knock it off!' he barked.

The baboon that was now his big brother pulled it's large lips back from giant teeth as it grinned at him, flattening it's butt cheeks directly on the glass as if mooning him. It's high pitched laughter floated through the cracked window.

Sam sighed and sat back in the seat, running his hand through his hair in frustration. Thank goodness they were in the middle of nowhere, how would he explain this if anyone saw them? Freaking witches.

His brother continued to dance around like the Lion King's Rafiki on crack. At least he hadn't tried to run off, but who knew how long that would last? Already he could see Dean becoming more like the creature form the witch had given him and less the man he knew. Okay, teasing and mooning him wasn't actually a big stretch, but this was close.

Reflecting he was still at a loss for how this had happened. It was supposed to be a simple hunt. They'd gone in to check out some missing persons and had followed the clues they'd gotten, leading them to the crappy little cliche house in the middle of the deep woods. As Dean had snarked, "All it's missing is the gingerbread."

It was just a random, off hand remark. They weren't sure what they'd find in the old abandoned place. Ghoul, some psychos like the Benders, next of demons. They hadn't entertained the idea of a witch. No evidence for one. Ah, but they'd just not been looking in the right spots.

The reports they had taken from the victims families all made sense now. The wife of the nature enthusiast who'd made a comment about how the deer that appeared from nowhere at night soothed her and made her feel peaceful. Like her Brandon was out there somewhere. Living in a suburban area it was odd for a lone deer to show up and come so close to humans. Odd, but not enough to tip them off.

Or the grey tom cat that Mr and Mrs Bains said showed up at their home after their son Tyson had gone missing. They didn't believe he'd run off, but admitted he was a spirited boy with a case of hormones. He had a lot of girlfriends, but none had seen him or could say where he might be. The parents worried maybe one of his girlfriends ex's had gotten jealous and hurt the boy.

The yippy terrier Connie Franko had found after her boyfriend, who her neighbors described as a loud mouth always fighting with the woman, on her doorstep. Something had compelled her to keep it, she said.

There were a few other stories just like these and they'd missed the signs in light of the more obvious clues. They all went missing on the outskirts of the forest. They'd marked off all the homes for each of the victims and when they were finished, in the center of the circle laid the Harper Woods. They had decided to start there and spread out.

Sam smacked a hand to his forehead which Baboon Dean copied. So stupid. It was right there the whole time.

The first guy missing was a nature nut, a deer shows up at his home. A promiscuous boy goes missing and then a tom cat turns up meowing at his parents ankles. The combative boyfriend and the yippy dog - they'd all been transformed by the witch. One with a twisted sense of humor. Sam grit his teeth. Almost as bad as the freaking Trickster.

She'd taken offense to people invading her home and so she began casting on anyone who set foot out of bounds. Which she'd been more than happy to tell them when confronted.

"They all asked for it. They boy looking for a trysting place on my land. The mouthy lawyer telling me this area would make a great strip mall if I'd only sell." She spat in disgust. "Insolent whelps. I fixed them, made them a life more suited to their personalities."

The old hag had grinned, yellow brown teeth gleaming in a bitter crooked mouth. Seriously, why could they never run into the Glenda's of the world?

Then Dean being Dean, had to shoot off his mouth as they split up. It was his brothers favorite diversionary tactic. Antagonize the enemy and draw their focus. Sam went for her spell book, while she went after his brother. Had he not said enough before how he always hated that plan?

"You are a twisted lady." Dean said as they did a dangerous dance in her basement.

"And you are a rude young man." She clucked her tongue. "I have the right to protect my land. I'll have to punish you like all the others."

His brother had smiled mockingly. "Oh spare me the evil 'you will pay' mantra. Heard it all before."

She growled and swung her arm, causing a table to collide with his brothers shin. So hard it's leg snapped off. "Ouch! Sonofabitch!"

"You will show respect!"

"Kiss my ass." He'd snapped, in no mood. Sadly he used just the words to give her an idea.

She snickered darkly. "Your derriere is about to become much more prominent."

Sam felt his stomach drop as he realized her intent, he'd still not found the book. "Dean!" Dean's eyes widened as the witch spoke a fluent chant.

Frantic, Sam searched wildly for where the source of her power, her grimoire, was hidden. She was speaking even faster now, words nearly indiscernible, and Sam knew he was nearly out of time.

Finally his fingertips hit an object between the wall and an old bookshelf. Pulling it out, Sam wanted to crow. He had it! Hastily he salted and burned it, praying he wasn't too late. _Hang on Dean._

Her words stuttered as she began to smoke, burning as the book burned. Her attempts to continue were cut off by a shriek as her ratty dress caught and went like kindling, she went up like an inferno. A wall of flame, a lot of smoke, there was a stench and an eerie silence. Too quiet.

Sam couldn't see Dean and coughed, waving his hands about, trying to find his brother. "Dean?" He had a bad feeling. It wasn't like him not to comment on a hunt well done.

"Whooah!" A voice loudly called.

Or not well done. Sam squinted at the source of the voice as the cloudiness faded and his heart joined his stomach. A baboon stood where his brother had once been - and it was wearing his amulet. "Dean?"

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

It was him alright. He thought he'd stopped the spell, but she'd finished enough to hit her target. The baboon had picked Dean's, er his - and wouldn't this be confusing? - jeans off the floor and put the leg over his head.

Sam groaned. "Great." He approached the animal carefully, trying not to startle it. He had no idea how to convince it to come with him, but going by those wicked teeth, wresting him was out. He'd have to hope there was enough of his brother left in there to reach.

Slowly lowering himself in a crouch, Sam gently called to him. "Hey, Dean, 'member me?" It raised it's eyes to look at him, pausing in it's pants game, and cocked it's head. "It's Sam. You know, Sammy?" The baboon wasn't freaking on him or running, that was good right?

It did a semblance of a sunny smile, then turned to chew on the denim, ignoring him. He bit his lip. Now what? If only he had something to coax his brother back to the car with...but could he trust him not to run into the woods once they left the house? They'd walked a short distance to get here. Dean having found an old logging road not far off to park the car while they went the rest of the way on foot. They could make that in fifteen minutes, if both of them were human. With his brother the baboon in tow, anything could happen.

Sam rubbed his eyes warily. If he lost Dean in the woods he'd be screwed. They both would. The thought of him alone out there like this was enough to cement Sam's conviction that walking was out. It's not like he would hold his hand. Storage crate? There were a lot of them scattered around the basement. However he didn't want to scare Dean or upset the trust he had in him. He had to tread lightly because if he messed this up it was all downhill from there.

Sam got up to inspect the crates and felt ill. No way he could do that to Dean. _Crap._ Sam let his head fall against the wood.

Baboon Dean let out a trilly cackle, amused by the tall man's antics.

Sam smiled despite himself, head still resting with forehead on slat. "You think this is funny, huh?" The baboon clapped. Sam snorted, smile growing as he sat up. "Wait till we get you back to normal. You might feel differently then." _And maybe then I can laugh about it. _

From the corner of his eye he spotted a new option. So shocked he did a double take, he couldn't believe it. "No way."

It was a radio flyer wagon. An evil witch had a little faded red wagon in her basement. He only stopped a moment to wonder why, then brushed it off. Didn't matter. All that did now was him using it to get his brother out of here. Maybe if he could make it like a game, Dean would come willingly.

Trying to grin reassuringly, Sam pulled his find over to his brother. "Look what I have. Isn't it cool?" The baboon looked at the small conveyance, head tilting to and fro, nose sniffing. It then reached out and touched the metal in curiosity. He seemed to like it.

"You wanna ride in it?" Dean looked puzzled. "Here, like this." Sam picked up his clothes and placed them in the wagon. This fascinated the baboon and Dean tentatively climbed inside. Excited to try out the new metal box, he bounced a few times. Then looking at Sam he chattered and smiled.

"I take it this is approval?" _Thank you, thank you, thank you._ The sooner they could get out of here, the faster he could help Dean. "Okay, hang on." He cautioned, pulling the wagon and turning the wheels. Dean was mesmerized. _Good. Please just stay that way till I get you to the car._

As luck would have it, she stayed on their side by giving Sam an easy exit. This basement was actually a cellar and for some reason they had a ramp, so he wouldn't have to try lugging Dean up stairs. The baboon sat content, taking in everything as he chewed once more on his jeans. He then moved on to the boots, Dean would flip when he was himself again. He loved those shoes. But at least he was staying still, so Sam didn't say anything.

They'd almost made it back when Dean dropped his boot and leapt from the seat. "Dean!" Sam called in panic. _Oh God, don't let me lose him._

Dean raced over to a nearby tree to smell and them to Sam's warring horror and amusement, scratched his great red rump on the bark.

Sam chuckled. "Have an itch?" Baboon Dean jerked his head. Was that a nod? "Well, I'm glad you found a tree 'cause I'm not scratching it."

Dean stuck his pink tongue out at his brother and then scampered ahead toward the car at a sedate pace, just sight seeing. Sam kept a cautious eye on him as they continued. He was going for the car, that was the plan, everything was okay.

Why did he have to think that? It was why he was now staring at his brother's big red behind as he tried to think of how to get him in the Impala. When they'd reached the car Sam had opened the back and put all Dean's things in, thinking he'd follow. Instead, Dean looked bored with the prospect of a back seat car ride, maybe even insulted if his imagination wasn't playing tricks on him.

He'd tired to persuade him. "Come on, Dean. Don't you wanna get out of here? Just hop in and we can go." His brother ignored his motion to get in and had clamored on top of the car where he now sat chattering at Sam. When Sam had reached out a hand to Dean, he'd jerked it back in shock. His brother had nipped at him!

"Dean!" Sam chastised. Baboon Dean merely scowled at him as he hid in the car, waiting on him to calm down. Then the taunting had started. Sam couldn't figure out what he'd done wrong. Everything had been fine till he asked him to get in back... "Ugh." Sam gripped the wheel tight in epiphany. "That can't be it."

Getting out and crossing to the other side of the car under Dean's watchful eyes, he opened up the front passenger door. "Ready? Come on, man."

The baboon seemed to nod in approval as he dropped down from the hood and ran over, getting into the seat. Dean had simply wanted to ride shotgun.

"Unbelievable." Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Sam got back in the driver's seat. His brother's expression smug even in this form. Sam could mentally see him thinking, "A man doesn't ride in the back of his own car, Sammy." The corner of his mouth twitched. Maybe there was more of his big brother in there than he thought.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

Sam wasn't sure where to go. They were more or less in a no tell motel this trip. There hadn't been anything nicer available. Now that felt like a plus. In those places most people minded their own business. If he could get Dean in unseen, all they had to do was lay low. He'd call Bobby ASAP and ask what he thought, but Sam felt he knew.

Since the spell had been interrupted, it wouldn't play out as the others had. It was weak, meaning it would wear off on it's own, they would have to wait it out. Wait. In a small motel room. With his baboon big brother. No problem.

He felt a headache coming on.

Under cover of night they pulled in and Sam turned to his brother. "Okay Dean, we have to be quick and quiet. No one can see you or we're in trouble."

Dean poked out his lower lip and prodded it with a finger. Sam groaned. "Just behave, please." His brother, lips still folded out, smiled jaggedly.

Faster than he ever remembered being, he dashed out, grabbed the bag from the back and was at Dean's door in seconds. " 'Kay, let's go." He obediently followed and Sam ushered him into the room.

With a relived sigh, he threw the bag down and ran both hands through his hair, fingers meeting in a bridge in the back. He stood watching Dean as he ran over to the bed and ripped the blanket off, tossing it over his head.

Sam chuckled, shaking his head and went to sit on his own bed. Flipping out his phone he called Bobby to update him on their latest hunt gone wrong. There were a lot of those these days. After a brief pause and a threat if they were pranking him, Bobby confirmed Sam's suspicions.

"No way to tell how long it'll run. Twelve hours. Twenty four. Days. You'll have to wait it out, try to hang tight. You know you can come here if you want." He offered. The boys were always welcome. Especially when they were in a spot.

"Thanks, but I think we'll be okay. I don't think the spell will take too long to wear off. He's still very Dean."

"How so?" Sam told him the story about the front seat and Bobby guffawed. "Yep, sounds just like your brother. Alright then, but if things change you gimme a call. Or just show up."

Sam felt warm and loved. He was glad Bobby always had their backs. "You bet." He promised. Before hanging up they discussed the other victims. Now that the witch was dead, her spells could be easily reversed. He knew someone who'd be happy to do it and would send them down to wrap things up. Thanking him again, Sam cut the call.

He looked across at Dean, who had given up hiding under the cover and was sleeping on it on the floor. Sam smiled tiredly. "Worn out, huh?" He asked softly. "It's been a long day." Himself tuckered out, Sam lay back on his bed fully clothed, and was out before his head hit the pillow.

SNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSNSN

He awoke several hours later to the sound of scraping wood and a crash. He jack-knifed upright, already looking to where he'd last seen his brother. "Dean?"

Dean stood next to the bed with a drawer he'd pulled out on the floor in front of him. Sam felt his mouth drop open. His brother was using the drawer as a toilet.

"Dean, no!" He scrambled up, but having already done his business, Dean returned to his bed and laid down. Sam looked disgustedly into the ruined wooden square. "Even this rat trap will be mad about this."

He glared at his brother. "Dean, why'd you do that?" _Besides the fact that you're a baboon._ He sighed and carried the drawer gingerly into the bathroom. Taking in the height of the toilet and lack of hand holds nearby Sam guessed what happened. Unable to reach the bowl, Dean had done the next best thing and used the nightstand drawer.

Walking back out he looked at his brother who cracked an eye at him. "Next time wake me up and I'll help you." Was it possible for baboons to roll their eyes? Grumbling about stubborn primates he went to bed once more.

This time he woke to sunshine and the wheezing snore that was Dean sleeping in this form. Stretching, he stood and quietly made his way to the bathroom. His nose rankled on entry. He couldn't throw the drawer out yet for fear of discovery. Even if it did look like no one had collected trash here in weeks, knowing them if he did, today would be the day.

He hurriedly did his business and brushed his teeth, then went to check on Dean who was just waking. An impressive yawn showed off his new teeth with a closer look than Sam wanted. And that breath... "Morning, Dean."

He brother smacked his lips and blinked. As close to a good morning as he could expect. "Hungry?" That perks Dean up.

"Aahwoo!"

"I'll take that as a yes. Okay, breakfast coming up."

Sam had thought about how they would eat on the way back last night and recalled a diner a few blocks away that did take out delivery. As long as their money didn't run out while they waited, this would work nicely. Calling information he got the number and called in the order. He had no idea what Dean would eat in this form, but sausage biscuits and scrambled eggs would probably do. Doubting he'd drink orange juice, he'd gotten him water.

When Sam saw the guy approaching he told Dean to be quiet and stepped out to meet him. Paying and thanking him, Sam opened the door back up to find the baboon raising cain. Fluff was flying everywhere as he ripped open the pillow on his bed and watched enthralled as the mess drifted to the floor.

"No." Sam moaned. "I only left you alone for a minute."

He smiled at his brother and scampered over to the end of the bed, hand out to receive his meal. Resigned, Sam dug out Dean's food and sat it on his bed, then handed him his water. "I'll open it for you when you want it. Just tell me."

The wrappers flew as Dean inhaled his, the eggs shoveled in handfuls into his mouth. Sam grimaced as the yellow mush gathered between his teeth, then grinned. "Not much different from how you usually eat." He got a see food reward for that one.

After they finished Dean became restless again. Fearing for the lone pillow, Sam turned on the crappy tv hoping to find something on one of the few channels to entertain him. He bounced as Sam flipped to a classic monster movie and he left him to it as he cleaned up. While Dean was distracted, Bobby called and let Sam know his friend had departed to reverse the magic put on the other victims. He was happy they wouldn't be stuck that way.

Watching Dean purse his lips and babble at the screen, he hoped his own sibling would be released shortly. Bobby asked after Dean and Sam gives him a recount, sparring the part about the nightstand. There's a smile in the older hunters voice as he says, "It coulda been a lot worse. Just hang in there, kid."

He knows this is true. "We will."

All too soon the movie is over and Dean is restless again. "Come on Dean, I'm doing my best here." There were no more programs on tv Dean would sit for and being trapped in the room, activities were limited. It annoyed Dean when Sam tried to have conversations because he couldn't talk back. They had run out of options and now Dean was eyeing his pillow.

"Don't even think about it." He glared at him. "You already destroyed yours, leave mine alone." His brother appeared to growl, then huff as he pouted.

Mercifully, dinner rolled around without them killing each other. Lunch had been snack food from the duffel. The menu was something Dean very much wanted to talk about. Through gestures and grunts he chose his meal and Sam called their order in. This time to try and avoid a repeat of earlier, Sam has Dean hide in the bathroom while he collects their meal.

He returns to the room pleasantly satisfied to see his brother listened and stayed out of mischief. Walking over he sets the items on the table and goes to get him. What he finds has Sam's eyes bugging out.

"Dean, no!" He turns green as his gag reflex kicks in. "I got you bottled water!"

Dean looks up at him and then seems to shrug, dropping his palm full of water back in the toilet. Not able to reach it for use, but apparently close enough to get a drink. His brother glances at him and toddles out, impatient to get his dinner. Sam wonders if he can eat his and attempts to put the potty water taboo out of his mind.

He first opens Dean's water, which he pours into his wide open mouth greedily, then hands him his cheeseburger and fries. Dean makes a mess, but they eat in companionable silence and then his brother surprises him by heading straight to bed after. He'd been wired all day, but suddenly he was sleepy.

Sam frowned. He hoped he was feeling alright. He didn't know how to properly care for a baboon. He was still his brother, but in a new packaging. Was he wrong to feed him as a human? But this animal had Dean's mind.

Still fretting over it, Sam finally fell into sleep. He awakened to a thump and a groan. "Ow! Damnit!"

The gruff voice was music to Sam's ears. "Dean?"

"Who else?" He grumbled. "Why the hell am I sleeping on the floor?"

Sam's grin was so wide it could split his face. Dean sat on the floor, rubbing at the spot on his head where he'd hit the nightstand. His eye caught Sam's and he scowled. "What are you smiling at?" He glanced down. "And why am I naked?"

Sam fell into hysterical laughter so hard he was crying. An annoyed and slightly freaked Dean waited patiently till Sam could control himself enough to fill him in.

Eyebrows raised, he looked at his brother incredulous. "You're not serious."

"Yep." Sam assured. "A baboon."

"Weird.." He said in acceptance, then he frowned. "I hate witches."

Sam chuckled. "Me too." He looked his now dressed brother over. "You okay?"

"Yeah." Dean grimaced and put a hand on his belly. "Except my stomach feels off. What did I eat?"

Sam smirked. "The better question is what did you drink?"

Dean was perplexed. "Huh?"

"You had toilet water last night."

Dean's eyes widened in alarmed outrage. "Liar! I would never!"

"Oh, but you did." Sam resembled a cheshire cat, smile wide. Now that the ordeal was over he could enjoy this aftermath at his brother's expense. "You used the motel drawer as a john too."

His brother looked scandalized. "Go look in the bathroom if you don't believe me. I haven't thrown it out."

Like a man walking to the gallows, Dean did. 'No fuckin' way." Drifted back and Sam bit his lip as not to laugh out loud. He supposed he'd had enough fun. He did feel bad for his brother. This was a lot to take in.

Dean came back in and sat heavily on the bed. "That's messed up." Sam nodded. "So you been babysitting me all this time?"

"Yeah, and it wasn't easy."

"I'd guess not." He flinched. "Any other horror stories I should know about?"

"Hm. No, I think that's it."

"Good." Dean ran a hand through his short hair. "Then lets get the hell out of here." He couldn't wait to put this town in his rearview mirror.

Sam shared his feelings.

It was only as they were finishing getting dressed that Dean noticed the clothes he'd worn that fateful night. "My jeans!" And under them a mangled boot. "My boot! Sam!" He looked hotly at his brother. "How could you let me eat my boots, man?"

"Have you seen baboon teeth Dean?" Sam answered sarcastically. "I wasn't about to risk life and limb to stop you."

He angrily shoved his foot in the now ruined leather and muttered, "Damn freaking witches." under his breath.

When they'd finished and gathered all their belongings, Dean stomped ahead to the Impala. "Sam!" He impatiently snapped.

Sam smirked. He was glad to have him back. He understood Dean's mood and would ever tolerate it - for a little while.

"Move it, would ya?"

A very little while. He smiled as he looked at the photos on his phone. One of a baboon sleeping on the floor like a dog and the other of an enormous red butt on the Impala's windshield glass. Slipping it back into his pocket, he closed the door behind them.


End file.
